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List of Funny Instagram Bios, Status & Ideas

Hey there! Instagram is using me. Sorry about those messages that I sent you last night, my Instagram was drunk. My “last seen at” was just to check your “last seen at”. Hey there! Be there. I may be wrong… but I Doubt it!!! Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. Oh, So your manna argue, Bring it. I got my CAPS LOCK ON. The person you love is 72.8% water. My favourite kinds of people are the relatives who give money when they leave. 41 Can’t Instagram, only calls! Hey there! I am using Hamam soap! Can’t walk… vehicles only..! Stop ! Status under construction: D Smile today, cry tomorrow. Read this every day! Hey Instagram, I’m using you! If you ever think I am ignoring you, I swear I am. My phone is in my hand 24×7 Be less curious about people and more curious about ideas !! Space available for advertisement I learn from the mistakes of others to whom I have given advice to. Let Fools Chase The World. I only want you s: the first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest. The pillow is my best hair stylist – Waiting for better tomorrow! (bell symbol) Engineering Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire:-D Hey there! You’re using Instagram! Read books instead of reading my status! Available when to get WiFi Network !! Distance is suck… My mum is so far away from kitchen :-/ I hope Karma slaps you in the face before I do.!! I’m too busy right now, can I ignore you some other time? Hey there! Instagram is using my Internet Data Balance Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink. I love to walk in fog Because nobody knows I am smoking. Roses are red Sky is blue ..Vodka is cheaper than dinner for two !!! Yes , I m single , & You’ve to be damn beautiful to change it.;) I’m not online, it’s just an optical illusion. Of course, I’m not perfect; there’s a crack in my ass! When I write Etc., it means End of Thinking Capacity I used to be an atheist, But then I realised I’m God. I am not virgin, My life f**ks me every day. I Was Born Cool but Global Warming Made Me Hot. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter… people the opposite. Don’t kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors are not. Warning…l know KARATE And few other oriental words. I work for money, For loyalty Hire a Dog. Some people are alive only Because it’s illegal to kill them. Real men stay dedicated to only one girl! Not every goodbye is painful like a “goodbye class” from teacher!! I had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide I’m Jealous Of My Parents… I’ll Never Have A Kid As Cool As Theirs! Nothing in the world is free, even Santa comes with a ‘Clause’. When someone says, “You’ve Changed”, It simply means you’ve stopped living your life their way. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. The fool didn’t know it was impossible, so HE DID IT Can’t talk, missed calls only. Being weird is the side-effect of awesomeness. The question isn’t who is going to let me; It’s who is going to stop me. Fewer people you chill with, less bullshit you deal with Work for 5 days to live 2 days. Relationship Status: Looking For Wifi I’m looking for a bank loan which can perform things: give me a Loan and then leave me Alone. I have to be funny because being hot is not an option. When I was born, I was so surprised that I didn’t talk for two years! Only dead fish follow the stream. Don’t invest emotions, Love is a depreciating asset The idea for dieting: Refrigerators with mirrors! My brain is divided into two parts: Right & Left.ln right nothing is left.ln left nothing is right. Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you. I Wonder What Happen’s When Doctor’s Wife Eats An Apple A Day Scratch Here to see my status Don’t drink and park – accidents cause people. If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door. My laziness is like 8; Once I lie down it’s infinite! Life’s not about money, it’s about love & I love MONEY! My one more password got married yesterday. Falling in love is not a choice. Staying in love is. I don’t discriminate. I hate everyone equally If “Plan A” didn’t work. Don’t worry; the alphabet has 25 more letters I had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide You’re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone. I’m pretty sure my prayers go directly to God’s spam folder. I am not fat, I am just easier to see. I never make the same mistake twice. Three, four times maybe. But never twice. When you wait for a waiter in a restaurant, aren’t you a waiter? I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code. If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0 Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution. Being Alive is being Offline! Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off. Remember it’s just a bad day, not a bad life. I’ll be yours forever, just tell me when to start. I love the ones who are in my life and make it amazing. I also love the ones who left my life and made it fantastic. If my love for you is a crime, I want to be the most wanted criminal. It’s amazing how crazy I feel when my phone vibrates and I’m begging it to be you. I wish that I could put my status to what I am really thinking… The pillow is my best hair stylist – Waiting for better tomorrow! The hardest part of the business is minding your own. Hey there! I am sick of using Instagram. I’m too busy right now, can I ignore you some other time? I’m not online, it’s just an optical illusion. I used to be an atheist, But then I realised I’m God. CGPA available for adoption… can’t raise it myself. Don’t live the same year 75 times and call it a life ! The only thing I gained so far in 2014 is weight. Everyone on this earth is self-centered, the difference is the radius Of all the things I have lost , I miss my mind the most. Instagram Status is Loading I was COOL but Global Warming made me HOT. Too busy to update a status Life is too short. Don’t waste it copying my status… ! I’m not lazy…I’m on energy saving mode. I speak my mind and I never mind what I speak. Never let your friends feel lonely. Disturb them all the time. I’m going to update my status….but better you focus on your own. I stopped fighting my inner demons because now we are on the same side! Contributing to entropy since 1994 I smile …Because I don’t know WHAT THE HELL is going on. I am who I am, Your approval is not needed. Every mother on earth gave birth to child except my mother, She gave birth to Legend! OF COURSE! Talk to myself, sometime I need expert advice. I’ll hit you so hard even GOOGLE wan’t able to find you. I tried to be normal. Worst two minutes of my life. After Monday and Tuesday, the even calendar says W T F… I don’t insult people, I just describe them. I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect! People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. Totally available!! Please disturb me!! flip the coin.. head I am yours, tail you are mine. If people are trying to bring you down it only means that you are above them. If you want to be rude then you should become a celebrity. I say this; I say that what the hell you want to listen from me? Let me hurt your face, maybe I got a little relief by doing this. Hated by many, wanted by plenty, disliked by some, confronted by none Loving you is like breathing How can I stop? I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness. Battery about to die, I am about to live ! Life F#ck$d me , Now It’s My Turn! Don’t be racist, hate everyone. Strangely, every girl I talk to falls in love. Just not with me. People of my age are busy with Relation, break up, heart break, patch ups and I am still figuring out a way to wake up before 10 am. When life gets tough, always remember that you were the strongest sperm. Don’t blindly follow the masses. Sometimes the m is Silent. I am so poor, i can’t even pay attention. My father once told me that people listen to you if you tell them that your father told you that. Life on earth is expensive, but it includes a free trip around the sun. If Girls are Oscar, then I am Leonardo DiCaprio. I can see you checking my Instagram status. God is really creative, i mean.just look at me. Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

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